What Does Forgiveness Require?

This weekend I have been struggling with what it takes to truly offer forgiveness and what that forgiveness means for me. Without going into the details, there was an extended family member who broke our family's trust. The long and the short of it is that, although there will be consequences and ramifications for that family member's actions, on my side of things forgiveness is required. Not that they have to seek my family's forgiveness, although it is the right thing to do, I have to consider my responsibility to forgive them outside of their desire for it. 

One of the primary tenets of my faith is forgiveness. The very foundation of my faith is based on God's forgiveness of my sins so I can have a relationship with Him. Even before I came to an understanding of my need for forgiveness, God sent His Son to die in my place so I could have my sins forgiven (Romans 5:8). He did this to provide a way to be forgiven regardless if I ever sought out His forgiveness. God has readily offered forgiveness every time I have broken His trust and sinned against Him. He's never added a condition to my forgiveness. It has always and will forever be an unconditional forgiveness extended from the God who loves me. Forgiveness is such an important part of the Christian faith that we are commanded, not asked to do it if we want to but commanded, to forgive those who hurt us (Matthew 6:14-15, 18:21-22; Luke 11:4, 17:3-4; Colossians 3:13). But, as it is with many things in life, forgiving someone is often times easier said than done.




Our hurt and emotional involvement clouds our judgment and thinking when it comes to forgiving those that hurt us. The pain of the betrayal or hurt blinds us to the need to forgive those who hurt us. Although forgiveness is the first step of the healing process, we often act like a kid afraid of hydrogen peroxide being used to clean a scrape on their knee. We pull away from forgiveness, sometimes literally kicking and screaming, because we don't want to let the person "get away with" what they've done. But forgiveness isn't about getting away with anything. Forgiveness is about following the example Christ set for us and living out our faith. This is about walking the walk when we've talked the talk of the Christian faith. This is showing the world that our faith is more than just a label, instead it is a faith that impacts the way we live.

So what does forgiveness require? First off it requires us to be sincere. We can give lip service by saying we've forgiven someone, but unless we've sincerely forgiven someone all we've done is talked a good game. Sincerely forgiving someone is the most freeing things a person can ever experience. It releases the bitterness and resentment we harbor and it frees us from sinning because of the hurt we've held on to. Forgiveness also requires that we don't "hold it over" the person who hurt us. Does this mean we forget what they've done? No it doesn't. Does it mean we completely trust them right out of the gate and expose ourselves to more hurt? No it doesn't. What it does mean is that we use godly wisdom to determine how we interact with that person. Trust has to be rebuilt. Burnt bridges aren't rebuilt overnight, if they are able to rebuilt at all. If the hurt is bad enough we may not be able to have a relationship at all with the person but we still need to forgive them. Using godly wisdom to determine how to proceed is crucial. It may mean we have to end all contact for our own good or it may mean that we slowly allow the person back into our lives. Either way forgiveness is needed.

I'll close with this. Colossians 3:13 says "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." The forgiveness Jesus modeled on the cross and that God extends to us, these should be the examples we live out in our relationships. Regardless of the damage done to us. Regardless of the depth of the hurt and betrayal. Regardless of how bitter and resentful we are over the wrong done to us. Regardless of all of it, forgiveness has to be given. It must be given sincerely and in a way that doesn't hold it over the person, but instead holds them accountable for their actions. In the end, forgiveness frees us from the hurt and starts the process of our own healing.


*If you enjoyed today's post be sure to Share it on Facebook and Twitter so others can be encouraged too!